sigh. on monday night i marked through 1e2's papers, and initially, i was quite glad because they were doing well. however, i soon realised that they cheated, because their answers were identical. and copied from the textbook. i was really really upset, and so on tues, i went to class to question them.

it was really disappointing... huimin, the top student in my previous test, not only copied, but failed as well. grace too. she is a really good student, and i'm surprised she cheated. so i called them out and questioned them. called out aloysius too, whose paper was unrespectedly cruched and crimpled, and amy who drew a big question mark over her paper, refusing to give the page a shot.

so after pulling people out, i felt so tired and disapinted, i just told the class, that whoever cheated in one way or another, to stand up and own up. to my despair and disbelief, the whole class, save for 2 students, stood up. i definitely wasn't expecting this kind of numbers. sigh. makes me feel like a totally useless teacher, 10 weeks of hard work wasted. they didn't need me as their teacher. they only needed to have their tb during the paper.

i din't want to write down their offences in any form that could hold a record. so i wrote a 31-word long sentence and told them to copy it 500 tomes by wed morn, and hand it to me personally before the bell goes. and not only that, they were to get theiir parents to sign above every page they wrote. since the whole class cheated, i couldn't possibly key in their results, and i couldn't possibly reset a test and have them take it and mark by wed 2 pm. i was at a total loss.

for the 2 periods, i just stared at them with disaapointment. my heart ached so badly, but i restrained my tears. i got them to write their reflections... some of them expressed remorse, while others simply blamed the relief teacher for not being able to control the class well.

sigh. i feel so discouraged really... for 10 weeks i gave the best i could. just 1 day i was really sick with intestinal infection, they tuen out like this. meaning they nvr once had any respect for me. one of the girl's parents even wrote a letter to complain about ht epunishment, threatening to take action.

i read some of their blog posts too. and they really hurt me. this one pierced me bad.

hello people (:just came home from choir .WAHLAO .350 lines leh !and i haven't started .hais .RAWR lahhs .STUPID MISS NG SHU HUI .i'm not influenced by him .she keeps thinking that i'm influenced by him .and that i cheated in the test .practically the whole class did .but i didn't larh !then she say i changed .i never changed .i've always been VALERIE LUA YU LING .and then she make him sit farfar away .purposely one lor .wan spoil my mood also no need spoil until like that mahs .then she say wan call my mum tell my mum about me having a bf .like , it's not even her problem lahs .and my mum already know in the first place .and she never object lor .so who is she to object ?dam freaking PISSED lahs just now .hais .then summore tell me what ,don't mix with him too often .what in the world lahs .and how in the world did she know anyway ?hais .i better stop here .later i don't do the 350 lines then she say i kana influenced again .KNS .

sigh. her bf is the naughtiest one in class, and val was one of my best girls. she's not doing so well mnow, and i was afraid it was the influence. she's a really sweet girl, yet she blogs with so much angst and hatred, unlike her sweet personality in sch. so i movedd aloysius away, and spoke to her nicely, asking her to work hard and not follow them in their bad behaviors. sherlyn comes to sch late with wrong earrings, coloured contaces and a miniskirt, and she's val's best friend. and sherlyn mixes with the terrible 2n2 students. how can i not be worried for val? yet she blogs abt me in such a fashion. it really disheartens me. although it's alr 3 plus am, i still can't sleep.

i think i'll be quitting soon. i don't think i have what it takes to be a good teacher. i'm pretty much useless in everything i do anyway.

wrote 1e2 a long letter explaining why i punished them. i'll type it out, since i can't slp anw.

dearest 1e2,
i have not been a good teacher to you. i should not have fallen sick and left you with a relief teacher, i really do not want to punish you with 350 lines, but i need to let you know the seriousness of your actions. i have to submit a report to the vice principal too. i know by now many of you would have been cursing and swearing at me, or just defiantly refusing to write the lines. it's okay. so long as you do realise cheating is a really serious offence, and it could ruin your future. all of you are bright students and i definitely would not want to see that happen some day.

from the reflections that you have done, i know some of you are truely remorseful. However i do know some of you do not really mean what you say. some of you bore anger and resentment towards the relilef teacher. you see class, whether or not the teacher is strict, doesn't actually determine how naughty you should behave. Furthermore, being honest in a test is all about integrity and respect. integrity and espect for the paper, the setter, me, yourselves, and your parents who brought you up. all that doesn't change because of one lax relief teacher. nve let your values be swayed by temptation, or you will find yourselves in trouble.

i love your class, even after the big disappointment. i hate giving you such a harsh punishment, but at least it will not go into your records. i just want you to remember how serious this isa and not to commit such an offence again. for those of you who stoon up to be united, unity is about excelling as one, not allowing others to pull you down. i believe 1e2 is a good class. i see lots of potential here! i was very sure you would have done well in the test without cheating.

However this incident has made me feel really tired. all 10 weeks of effort i spent, preparing powerpoints, printing slides, searching for resources, marking, motivating, working late into the nights and weekends, have gone down the drain. although yes, i do so for all my classes, but i really believed in your class. however i feel that my efforts are unappreciated, and i am not respected as your teacher.

besides being your teacher, i tried to be your friend, advisor, and guardian, spending time with you, getting yo know you. in fact, 1e2 is the class i feel closest to. but after seeing all this, your ugly comments on some of your blogs, i relaly feel very disheartened. i wasn't trying to judge or change or make life difficult for you, nor do i prefer girls to guys as hong ting claims. i do not like splitting grace and huimin, i adore them. i do not want to split aloysius and valerie. i do not want to move ruiquan. i think you guys are special the way you are. however, i observed some changes and attitudes set in the wrong direction and feel pressed to help guide you back. even though i am but you history teacher.

i'm sorry class. i really feel so disheartened by the incident and your reflections and stinging blog posts. i do not think i can go on teaching the best i know how. this would not be fair to you, because you deserve the best. so i'll be leaving. i gues many of you will be glad to know that. so i just wanted you to know that you guys rock. term 1 was fabulous with you guysm and no other class can replace you. so be good and study hard, and please don't cheat anymore. i'll miss you guys, you'll be in my prayers. all the best for your studies in Dunearn.

Love, Ms Ng.
21 March 2007
2.45am.


kaela @ 2:45:00 AM